Scaredy cat

I don't know why I limit myself so much and then complain about what I am not able to do. For example, I was to meet with a guy tonight for a casual "date". It was all planned out and my house was super tidy! It still is. Only no one else will see that tonight because today at lunch I discovered I had no money in the bank, and my plans of getting snacks and such to entertain said guy went straight down the toilet with my mood. Upon discovering my insufficient funds, I promptly cancelled the date because if everything cannot be as I pictured it, why bother?

Now yes, I realize that the guy probably wouldn't have given a rat's ass about what snacks I had laying about, but because one thing did not fall into place as I thought it would, I force myself to forget the whole thing. Luckily the guy I was meeting was nice about it.

I do this to myself in other areas of life as well, not just in my romantic life. I found out today that I really don't make enough money to live in the apartment I love so much, and that if I don't start making more money soon I will be struggling like I am right now for many more years to come. I refuse to get a room mate because I like living alone and love my privacy. My current boss certainly will not be offering up a raise anytime soon, and so far my attempts at freelance writing have gone nowhere. So here I am limiting myself again.

Maybe I should just be a suicide girl. http://www.suicidegirls.com to people who don't know this site, no I am not threatening to kill myself. Hah. Have a nice day.

LOST: Final Transmission

Tonight is the series finale of "Lost". For many people like myself, "Lost" is a major escape from crappy real life, once a week. So in other words, I'm depressed about the ending of it all. I almost have a feeling akin to the one I had when Buffy the Vamp Slayer ended after 7 seasons of pure tv awesomeness.



*sigh* In other, more happy news, I got two new novels today. Eclipse (from the Twilight series) and The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Eclipse I got because I simply MUST read it before the movie comes out which I think is this June or July. Dragon Tattoo I got because of the third installment (there are three in the series of this "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) ... but I cannot read books out of order, no no. So I got the first one which will eventually lead me to the third, which seemed the most interesting.

I found a great app the other day on my iPod Touch - it is called the Gratitude journal app, with a cute lil picture of a cartoon buddha. You gather your "happy" moments of each day, then rate your day and see which days are your best, and look at your past days to see the awesome things about each one. I really need this app because I think negatively most of the time and need to start looking more closely at the good.

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend!

Tata for now.

Wasted

I am on a Carrie Underwood kick this morning. I find her very inspiring and fun to sing along with. If you have a broken heart, or are feeling down about anything, listen to some of her songs.

Wish I had more time to write but have to get to work. Here's some more great lyrics:

Carrie Underwood - Undo It

I should have known by the way you passed me by
There was something in your eyes and it wasn't right
I should have walked, but I never had the chance
Everything got out of hand and I let it slide

Now I only have myself to blame
For falling for your stupid games
I wish my life could be
The way it was before I saw your face

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na, na

Now your photos don't have a picture frame
And I never say your name and I never will
And all your things, well I threw them in the trash
And I'm not even sad

Now you only have yourself to blame
For playing all those stupid games
You're always gonna be the same
And, oh no, you'll never change

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na, na

You want my future, you can't have it
I'm still trying to erase you from my past
I need you gone so fast

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Airplanes in the night sky like shooting stars

I could really use a wish right now...

It is now Wednesday, halfway through the week and I am very thankful for that. I am currently cruising to work on that lovely invention we call public transit.

Currently I am working at a daycare in the Fleetwood area of Surrey... and unfortunately not sure if I will be there much longer. Right now I need to focus on learning how to drive and obtaining my Learners permit so I can easily access work anywhere. Right now I am way too limited by transit! And funds... But that is a different story. License and Learners permit is what I need to worry about now and the money for a car can come later...

Hopefully today I will meet a gorgeous, millionaire doctor who is 6 foot or taller and has a vehicle which he will teach me to drive. Over the course of his lessons he will fall in love with me and eventually we will get married and move to Amsterdam. The end. Bye for now!

Good morning

Waking up late always hurts my whole entire day. I'm sure with enough self talk I could help that but unfortunately I am too lazy for that at the moment.

I unfortunately do not have much time to write this morning so will have to cut this short but will leave you with some great lyrics ...



Breathe Me
Sia

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

New Blog

This will be my new blog: Miss Nikki Dot Com.

More to come!