Accept the things you cannot change

I am so unhappy with my life. I feel like I am sixteen years old all over again.

As you may have previously read, I met someone whom I thought I might get along well with. This person asked me to be his girlfriend officially after 3 days of knowing me, and I said we should get to know eachother better first. Eff, am I ever glad I made THAT brilliant decision.

After knowing eachother for almost 2 weeks, he began to ignore my phonecalls and make excuses. Eventually, this Sunday, he told me that we never should have met each other. That our lifestyles are too "different" you might say. He is a Christian. I am not. This was very abrupt and I was totally taken aback. He is also younger so I am sure his family played a role in this as well.

Even now, sitting outside the same place where we first met on my break, I have a very tiny hope that he would pull up in his car and apologize and beg me for another chance. Stupid, I know. Wishful thinking.

I guess we all have this idea that Christians are supposed to be upstanding people, so maybe I was a bit jaded in thinking he was just a really nice guy. Not only did he lie, but he hurt my feelings pretty badly.

Now I have to be at work, dealing with this stupid inner turmoil and pretending everything is fine. It is even harder when my coworkers are making silly decisions and annoying me to boot.

I am about ready to give up on my romantic life all together. Every man I have met thus far has not improved my impression of the gender.

I don't know what to do

Why we always say goodbye

Wrote this on Saturday...
I have learned a lot of things regarding my "love life" in the past couple weeks. You most definitley cannot control or put into place when you will meet someone who just might be right.

It is an absolutely glorious, sun filled day, and right now, sitting outside on my deck tanning my pasty whites, I haven't felt this peaceful in awhile. I love Saturday mornings.

You can meet new people in the strangest of places. For example, at a gas station, when you don't even own a vehicle.

On my lunch break this week, I went to my usual cigarette spot, behind a gas station across from work. Minding my own business, he stopped for a cigarette next to me and struck up a conversation, which eventually led to him asking for my number. He seemed shy, and like he may not have done that a lot, otherwise I probably wouldn't have given it to him.

He has already called and we have already spent some fun times together. He is very different from me which, in the end, could be a good thing. I don't know where this is going, but right now, I'm just gunna go with it.

So I guess my advice to anyone at all who cares is this: we all need to stop trying to control in our lives what we cannot. When we least expect it, it will happen.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Don't call my name, don't bother me

So I'm a bit pissed off. Just about to finish a blog entry about a very cruel experience that I underwent this past weekend, however I lost it somehow in the world of crackberry. Now, I have little to no motivation to tell you all the story all over again. All I can do is give you some advice, and urge you all, men or women, to protect yourselves from liars and manipulators roaming the dating website, plentyoffish.com

I met up with someone I believed to be a genuine, nice guy. Let's just say I was wrong, and after being avoided for a whole week and given tons of excuses as to why he couldn't meet with me again, he assured me he was still interested... Then dropped me, and told me in so many words that he would not be seeing me again.

Men; make up your minds. Be straight up; don't tell a girl you are looking for a good woman, or that you are sick of being single, when in reality you haven't gotten laid in a year and are just a lonely sad sack.

My whole life I have been affected negatively by men who do not appreciate me for the sensitive yet strong and passionate woman that I am. I am so tired of this vicious circle. I have been single a little over a year now, which is very long for me, and although I am very young I still feel the need to settle down. I hope one day to meet someone who can truly compliment myself, and be a better half for me. Maybe you think it silly, a girl just longing for love... But what good would life be without love?

Scaredy cat

I don't know why I limit myself so much and then complain about what I am not able to do. For example, I was to meet with a guy tonight for a casual "date". It was all planned out and my house was super tidy! It still is. Only no one else will see that tonight because today at lunch I discovered I had no money in the bank, and my plans of getting snacks and such to entertain said guy went straight down the toilet with my mood. Upon discovering my insufficient funds, I promptly cancelled the date because if everything cannot be as I pictured it, why bother?

Now yes, I realize that the guy probably wouldn't have given a rat's ass about what snacks I had laying about, but because one thing did not fall into place as I thought it would, I force myself to forget the whole thing. Luckily the guy I was meeting was nice about it.

I do this to myself in other areas of life as well, not just in my romantic life. I found out today that I really don't make enough money to live in the apartment I love so much, and that if I don't start making more money soon I will be struggling like I am right now for many more years to come. I refuse to get a room mate because I like living alone and love my privacy. My current boss certainly will not be offering up a raise anytime soon, and so far my attempts at freelance writing have gone nowhere. So here I am limiting myself again.

Maybe I should just be a suicide girl. http://www.suicidegirls.com to people who don't know this site, no I am not threatening to kill myself. Hah. Have a nice day.

LOST: Final Transmission

Tonight is the series finale of "Lost". For many people like myself, "Lost" is a major escape from crappy real life, once a week. So in other words, I'm depressed about the ending of it all. I almost have a feeling akin to the one I had when Buffy the Vamp Slayer ended after 7 seasons of pure tv awesomeness.



*sigh* In other, more happy news, I got two new novels today. Eclipse (from the Twilight series) and The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Eclipse I got because I simply MUST read it before the movie comes out which I think is this June or July. Dragon Tattoo I got because of the third installment (there are three in the series of this "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) ... but I cannot read books out of order, no no. So I got the first one which will eventually lead me to the third, which seemed the most interesting.

I found a great app the other day on my iPod Touch - it is called the Gratitude journal app, with a cute lil picture of a cartoon buddha. You gather your "happy" moments of each day, then rate your day and see which days are your best, and look at your past days to see the awesome things about each one. I really need this app because I think negatively most of the time and need to start looking more closely at the good.

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend!

Tata for now.

Wasted

I am on a Carrie Underwood kick this morning. I find her very inspiring and fun to sing along with. If you have a broken heart, or are feeling down about anything, listen to some of her songs.

Wish I had more time to write but have to get to work. Here's some more great lyrics:

Carrie Underwood - Undo It

I should have known by the way you passed me by
There was something in your eyes and it wasn't right
I should have walked, but I never had the chance
Everything got out of hand and I let it slide

Now I only have myself to blame
For falling for your stupid games
I wish my life could be
The way it was before I saw your face

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na, na

Now your photos don't have a picture frame
And I never say your name and I never will
And all your things, well I threw them in the trash
And I'm not even sad

Now you only have yourself to blame
For playing all those stupid games
You're always gonna be the same
And, oh no, you'll never change

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na, na

You want my future, you can't have it
I'm still trying to erase you from my past
I need you gone so fast

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Airplanes in the night sky like shooting stars

I could really use a wish right now...

It is now Wednesday, halfway through the week and I am very thankful for that. I am currently cruising to work on that lovely invention we call public transit.

Currently I am working at a daycare in the Fleetwood area of Surrey... and unfortunately not sure if I will be there much longer. Right now I need to focus on learning how to drive and obtaining my Learners permit so I can easily access work anywhere. Right now I am way too limited by transit! And funds... But that is a different story. License and Learners permit is what I need to worry about now and the money for a car can come later...

Hopefully today I will meet a gorgeous, millionaire doctor who is 6 foot or taller and has a vehicle which he will teach me to drive. Over the course of his lessons he will fall in love with me and eventually we will get married and move to Amsterdam. The end. Bye for now!